Victor hasn’t been making his wife happy. You don’t need to be an expert linguist to work out that his excursions to meet Wanda have not been popular. I once stayed in a similar fisherman’s house near Agde in Southern France and you could hear every conversation in every house as you laid awake in the summer heat. From my quiet corner next to a rubbish bin with ‘homeless’ looking clothes and filthy hat I would have gotten the gist of her argument, even if it hadn’t been punctuated by a pan flying out of the window. The kids are a bit of a handful so I don’t think that can be helping her mood – which gives me an idea…

Like most hotels, the Arts has a rack of leaflets detailing local attractions and I swap over to a cleaner hat and jacket then take a selection for perusal over a Turkish coffee in the seafront bar that our target liked. It’s called the ‘Carpe Diem’ and I note it as a likely dinner venue since they have Kobe beef which is a particular favourite of mine. Barcelona is built between two rivers, the Besos and the Llobregat. The Besos used to be Europe’s most polluted river but now that much of the industry it served has gone, things are looking up, for the fish, if not the workers. One of the industrial features that remain is the Besos Water Tower (Torre de las Aigues Besos) which is open to visitors who like to climb the many steps to get a view of the coastline and Barcolonetta Beach.

At the foot of the tower is a children’s playground of the type that the Spanish do so well. I select the relevant leaflet and returning to tramp mode, slip a couple of leaflets through Victor’s house door. 

Hardware stores, or Ferreteria are some of my favourite haunts in Spain. Like old-fashioned stores used to be in England they stock everything, from Fork Handles to Four Candles and I soon find one that has what I need.

I buy rubber gloves that I ‘try on’ whilst handling the other items and pay for in cash from my ‘clean’ bag – ie money that I haven’t actually touched. It’s not far to the Besos Tower and soon I am standing on the top landing at the back of a small group, the last of the day, who are taking lots of photos, more photos in fact, than a Japanese man with a new camera on his first holiday. They gradually make their way down and I get to work, wrapping thin strips of cork around the end of the safety bars and then dosing them with the acid that I have in a glass bottle with a glass stopper. That stuff is too strong for any other material to hold it. You can’t buy it in England due to EU safety laws but in Spain… Now I just need to make a phone call to a contact at the airport and we are in business…